(全文)淡宾尼失去双子的母亲(叶太太)的见证。(30/1/2013)

主内弟兄姐妹,大家平安,还有在当中也有些我不认识的朋友,也谢谢你们今天出席这个追思礼。你们每一个人的支持,给了我们一家人很大的力量,否则相信今天我是无法在这里与你们分享。

今天下午4时,当我在洗澡时,我听见一个声音。那声音要我与人分享我是如何认识,並决定相信耶稣。"我是通过我的长子Nigel才认识主耶稣。我的长子Nigel是一个多动儿。他给了我们家庭带来很多的问题。我先生和我正处在打算办离婚的阶段。我並不是说宗教不好,因为这是个很敏感的问题,我只是想和你们分享我所经历的。"现在我相信有上帝,而且是真的有这么一位上帝,这上帝很好。

我们用了很多方法,什至到马来西亚,希望可以寻到些办法让我那多动的儿子平静下来。不过最终我们都找不到解决的办法。我sister(姐妹)介绍耶稣给我,她说:"你已经试过很多办法都行不通,为什么不试试向耶稣求,並相信祂。祂也是一位神。如果求了仍然没变就算了。所以后来我同意尝试求耶稣,这好过我什么都不做,对吗?"但当我决定相信耶稣,我整个家庭有了改变。过去,我和先生常常吵架,那时候我还是个初信者。成了基督徒后不代表我们就不会遇到问题了。我们还是会遇到不同的试探。但我们依靠並相信耶稣时,我们就可以靠主越过每次的试探。"

耶稣救了我们的婚姻,尤其,从我们的大儿子身上,我们体会到我们很有福气。其实Donovan 並不是我们的笫二个孩子。我第二个孩子在我怀孕两个月时就流掉了。后来Donovan 出世了,他带给我们很大的鼓励,所以我相信Donovan 是上帝所赐的。我一直认为Nigel给了我们很多的问题,所以神给我们Donovan ,来取代我们所失去的第二个孩子。其实我的想法错了,因为上帝所给的一定是最好的。Nigel, 也是最好的孩子。

上星期六在一个福建崇拜上,我带领敬拜,Nigel负责玩鼓。我儿Nigel对我说:"妈咪,我不会打鼓,我不懂新年歌要怎么打?"我告诉他:"我知道你可以,你一定可以办到。"最后他真的做到了。我们合作得很好,我们的小儿子很喜欢在主日学唱歌和跳舞,我们是最佳的拍档。

我真的感谢上帝,有了这两个孩子,我比以前更蒙福。我相信他们此刻已在天家了。前几晚,我sister(姐妹)梦见他们两人穿着白袍,头上戴着冠冕,两兄弟手牽手並在欢笑中道再见。我相信有一天我们会在天家见。因为这两个儿子,我会坚强的活下去。我谢谢你们新加坡人,你们所给于的爱和支持,我们由衷的感激,神真好!愿一切荣耀都归于上帝。

Credit: Anne Soh

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FULL transcript of the mother of the Tampines’ boys Mrs Yap (30/01/2012) – Translated from Mandarin

“Brothers and Sisters-in-Christ, peace be to you. To all the strangers who came today, I don’t know you all, but because of your love, thank you for coming today, I really appreciate your presence here today. Your support gives my family & I a lot of strength, or else I won’t be able to stand here today.”

“Today at about 4pm, while I was bathing, I heard a voice. A voice that tells me to share… how I came to know Jesus, and accepted Jesus.”

“I come to know Jesus because of my eldest son. My son Nigel is a hyperactive child, and He gave us MANY problems. My husband & I were on the brink of divorce. I’m not saying 宗教 (religion) is not good, because I know this is a sensitive issue. I just want to share with you my experience.”

“Now I do believe there is only One God. And there is really One God. And this God is good.”

“There are divine ways and solutions we were trying to seek, we even went to Malaysia to calm our child. But we couldn’t find the way. My child gave us a lot of problems.”

“But my sister introduced me to Jesus, she said “You tried every way. Why don’t you try and believe Jesus? He is also a God. Just come and try, if it doesn’t work then it’s okay.”

“So I agreed and decided to ask Jesus, it’s better to try than nothing right?”

“Once I believed in Jesus, my whole family has changed. In the past my husband and I ALWAYS quarrel. At that time I was just a new christian.”

“Being a Christian doesn’t mean we will not have difficulties, we will still face different trials. But relying and trusting in Jesus, we will definitely triumph in every trial.”

“Jesus saved our marriage. And through our eldest son, our whole family was soooo blessed.”

“Actually Donovan’s not my 2nd child, I had a miscarriage of my 2nd child after 2 months. It was difficult trying to conceive him. (cries)”

“After Donovan was born, He gave us a stronger encouragement. I believed that Donovan is from GOD, and I always thought, Nigel used to give us a lot of trouble, so God gave me Donovan to compensate what has been lost previously.”

“Actually my thinking was very wrong indeed.”

“Because GOD will SURELY give us the best.”

“Nigel, is also my BEST son, my precious son.”

“Last Saturday in Hokkien service, I was leading worship and Nigel was playing drums. My son, Nigel told me “Mummy, I don’t know how to drum, I don’t know how to drum Chinese New year songs.” I told him, “I know you can, you can surely do it!” And He really did. We were really good leading together.”

“And my youngest son, He loves to dance and sing. In Sunday school, we also paired up for dancing and singing. And we were a great pair.”

“I really thank God, that through this two sons, I have a lot more blessings than before.”

“I believe right now, they are in heaven.”

“During the night of tragedy, my sister dreamt that they were wearing white robes and a crown of glory, both holding hand-in-hand, and said ‘goodbye’ to my sister in laughter.”

“I really believe one day I will meet them in heaven one day.”

“Because of these two sons, I will continue to live on strongly… (cries).”

“I really thank you Singaporeans, for showing your love and support. I am really extremely appreciative. God is so good, All Glory to God (Hallelujah).”

Source: Multifolds Photography Facebook Page

John 1:5

I scream loudly

Silently

No one hears but

One

And to whom that listens

The screams

Are lost in pillows

Where I sleep

And awaken

Refreshed

A series of events over the past few months have led me to question my Christian walk.

In Luke 9:23, Jesus said, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me”.

Follow Him was not all He said. He said deny yourself, take up the cross. It’s a call to totally submit to a new master. I realized that I was not totally surrendered.

My prayers have often been, “God, change me but be gentle”. At a point last month, I was dissatisfied with the status quo in my discipleship and I asked for the first time in sincerity, “God, change me, no matter what it takes”.

And He’s started the process. And it ain’t pretty. The first thing He did was let a few events, even innocuous events (or non-events as the case may be), highlight the actual condition of my heart. At the seat of the problem was pride that stemmed from being self-reliant, as opposed to being reliant on God and lack of faith and surrender. Of seeking the approval of man vs. God. Of having the form but not the substance.

The call is clear. Focus on the inside – the substance and not the form; character, not recognition.

So I’ve had to take a few days to process all of this. A book that helped give me perspective and posture to understand what God is doing was Cultivating Your Inner Life by Reverend Edmund Chan. It helps that I’ve been with the church for a while and while the book is good in and of itself, it helps with the wider context given I am numbered among the congregation.

It’s an upheaval. It’s not fun but it’s necessary. I’m looking forward to it.

I re-read the scriptures in reference to Jesus’ final hours in preparation to write the Easter Production by my church. The accounts at the Garden of Gethsemane was hard. Very very hard. I saw things I had never seen before.

I’m not going to write an essay here. I’m just recording here the words, phrases and sentences that struck me enough from the scriptures to highlight them. So what you see below is simply the Words I highlighted and the associated underlines (bolded and underlined below).

These are all from the NASB version of the Bible and are not in context.

My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.

Fell on His face and prayed.

Let the cup pass from Me.

He went away to second time and prayed.

Went away and prayed a third time.

Immediately Judas went to Jesus and said, “Hail Rabbi” and kissed Him.

Began to be very distressed and troubled.

Deeply grieved to the point of death.

Fell to the ground and began to pray.

Remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.

Again, he went away and prayed, saying the same words.

Whomever I kiss, He is the one.

And they all left Him and fled.

He knelt down and began to pray.

Remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.

And being in agony He was praying very fervently.

His sweat became like drops of blood.

Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?

 

Now just taking the Words I double underlined, I’m left with:

Deeply grieved.

Fell on His face.

Second time.

Third time.

Distressed.

Troubled.

Deeply grieved.

To the point of death.

Fell to the ground.

Remove this cup.

Again.

Same Words.

They all left Him and fled.

He knelt down.

Remove this cup.

Agony.

He was praying very fervently.

His sweat became like drops of blood.

 

Amazing Grace. Crazy Love.

God is a strange mirror.

In His reflection we see all at once our wretched humanity and our divine reality.